Ben & Jerry’s: Chunky Monkey

Dear Ben, Dear Jerry,

I have been a long time fan of your frozen products for the simple reason that I had never tried any of them until yesterday. Now don’t worry, my complaint has nothing to do with the quality of your brand. As a matter of fact, in terms of flavour this Chunky Monkey ice cream of yours is most definitely beyond anything I have ever experienced while conscious. Admittedly, I found the crunchy walnuts and chewy banana shaped chocolate bits to taste rather unearthly at first but I quickly got over that and before long the cup was empty and I sat mesmerised for the next three hours.

Those three hours turned out to be the most turbulent in my life as I am rapidly coming to realise, for when I regained my senses I was confronted with one mystery after another. Continue reading

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Innocent Drinks

Dear Innocent Drinks,

Allow me to explain how a seemingly innocent smoothie of yours has changed my life in the most incredible way. You may find my account hard to believe, however I feel it is vital that you be aware of what your product has been capable of.

It all started on an unusually hot August evening in 1921. With much of the strawberry-infested European continent in the grip of a scorching heat wave, water scarcity had reached a critical stage nationwide. As I went about picking beans on my neighbour’s vegetable field, my attention was promptly drawn to the top of a bottle protruding from the dry cracked soil. Curious as I was, for an inexplicable reason I couldn’t bring myself to touch it. Instead, struck by a sudden sense of disorientation I got up and ran off.  Continue reading