Believe it or not, I have been a passionate devotee of your mobile matchmaking software since the commercialisation of the World Wide Web in the mid-90s. When it comes to code quality, speed, ease of use and entertainment factor, Tinder is second to none, as my late grand-uncle used to say. Although I have a deep love for a handful of time-tested cultural activities including eating crunchy peanut butter and mashed banana by the spoonful, cuddling newborn butterflies and reading Auster inside a medium-sized cargo plane with the lights off, nothing I can think of comes even remotely close to spending a bleak winter’s night swiping profile pictures around the screen in anticipation of a good match and having lengthy conversations with potential soul mates.
About two months ago I took a deep breath and erased Tinder from my phone – not out of resentment, frustration or dietary conviction, but because to my utter astonishment it has fulfilled its ultimate intended purpose. I consider myself very lucky to wake up to her rosy cheeks and beautiful smile every morning. Nina is just as insane as I am, giggles at my silly jokes and while she gags at the thought of peanut butter she is absolutely bonkers about mashed banana on buckwheat French toast. She loves a cup of sage tea just as much as she enjoys a glass of Chardonnay while listening to Tchaikovsky on her window sill. What’s more, she sponsors a jackass penguin named Paul at the Berlin Zoo.
I know, right?
There’s just one minor catch: I was getting ready for a three-year educational bicycle tour around the world. Departure is set for five months from now, give or take a few weeks. My journey will take me through Poland, Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, Finland, Russia, Kazakhstan, Mongolia, China, Laos, Thailand, Cambodia, Hell, Heaven, Vietnam, New Zealand, the United States, Portugal, Spain, France, Switzerland, Austria, and Germany. I will have to deal with blizzards, typhoons, heat waves, solar radiation storms, super cells, fire whirls, gravity waves and the occasional gamma-ray burst. The plan was fairly simple: get equipped, quit my job, give up my apartment and hit the road.
To my unspeakable delight, Nina wants to turn my journey into our journey. I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am about that. I love this girl with all my soul. We complement each other in every possible way and it feels like we were tailor-made for each other. We are in such perfect harmony it’s almost scary.
Dear Tinder, if you knew how grateful we are for what you’ve done for us and how you have changed the world, surely you would develop a bad case of megalomania and lose all sense of reality. So I will do you a favour and stop talking about it.
Perhaps you could return us a favour. We are currently in the process of setting up an awesome travel blog. How would you feel about becoming a proud sponsor of our two-wheeled Tinder honeymoon around the world?
As you can tell from the attached pictures, we have already been doing some advertising for you.
We very much look forward to hearing from you.