Ben & Jerry’s: Chunky Monkey

Dear Ben, Dear Jerry,

I have been a long time fan of your frozen products for the simple reason that I had never tried any of them until yesterday. Now don’t worry, my complaint has nothing to do with the quality of your brand. As a matter of fact, in terms of flavour this Chunky Monkey ice cream of yours is most definitely beyond anything I have ever experienced while conscious. Admittedly, I found the crunchy walnuts and chewy banana shaped chocolate bits to taste rather unearthly at first but I quickly got over that and before long the cup was empty and I sat mesmerised for the next three hours.

Those three hours turned out to be the most turbulent in my life as I am rapidly coming to realise, for when I regained my senses I was confronted with one mystery after another. The kitchen table, for instance, which had always been white, was covered in a fresh coat of bright purple paint. Then there was this Frosty The Snowman tattoo on my right ankle along with the word ‘Occu-pie’. To make things worse, my girlfriend had ran off to New Zealand with Randall (my fourth grade geology teacher) leaving behind nothing but a hastily scribbled farewell note. As I was reading it for the third time, I eventually caught sight of the parrot that was perched on my shoulder with my bank statements clamped in its beak. Apparently I have donated my entire life savings to the Ben & Jerry’s Foundation. Also, as far as my memory serves me right, I did not use to accommodate a Kentucky Mountain Saddle Horse in the backyard. Come to think of it, our house never even had a backyard until yesterday.

I could keep this up for a while but I think I have made my point. What I wanted to ask you is whether your Chunky Monkey ice cream has been known to be able to trigger any such paranormal phenomena as inexplicable time lapses, magnetically induced time slips or possibly wormholes to parallel universes upon consumption. If not, I strongly suggest that you spend at least half of my money on extensive research. Last but not least, as I hope you will understand, I would like to ask you for some sort of compensation to make up for what I have been through. Without any doubt a spoonful of your Chocolate Therapy would have helped me feel better in no time. Now if only my donation hadn’t left me completely broke. If for whatever reasons you cannot send any presents to Europe, please do not feel miserable about it. Even a handful of encouraging words would go a long way in brightening my day.

Thank you very much in advance for your consideration. I look forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely,


*** Reaction from Ben & Jerry’s Australia ***

Hi Thomas!

We always love to hear from fellow ice cream lovers so thanks for taking the time to contact us!

WOW! We never heard of anyone having such an exciting experience from eating our delicious ice cream! You certainly are the first, consider yourself a unique Ben and Jerry’s consumer!

From your email it seems you are all the way over in Berlin, unfortunately we are not able to send any Ben and Jerry’s treats that far abroad.

I will be sure to show your email to our marketing team as I am sure they will be just as impressed as I was.

Thanks again for taking the time to drop us a line!

Peace, Love and Ice Cream

Ice Cream Careologist
Ph: 1800 010 811 (Aust)

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14 thoughts on “Ben & Jerry’s: Chunky Monkey

  1. Oh I wanted to try Chunky Monkey, but know I’m kind of afraid I may not come back to reality as I’m strongly addicted to Chocolate & Bananas 😀 Is there any Ben&Jerry’s hotline in case of emergency? 🙂

    • Witaj Kamila, they do have a customer care hotline, but what if your phone is transformed into a waffle iron or an espresso maker along the way? Still, if I were you I would just go for it. Bon appétit!

  2. Oh God I think I am going to take that risk! They should pay you some good money for making me want to get this stuff 🙂 I am on a dieeeet !

  3. Brilliant, good work. I am a bit disappointed however that their mighty corporate machine cannot manage to send ice-cream to Germany. Troubling

  4. Cute post. It took me back to early in my marriage. My wife and I had a phone company that sent us monthly Ben & Jerry’s coupons. “Chunky Monkey” was one of our favorites. Thanks for the chuckle.

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